“The Christian Couple” is a book by Larry and Nordis Christenson to guide Christian couples in building strong, healthy, and long-lasting relationships between husband and wife. Remember that this book was published in 1977, yet it is pretty good information even for the current era. Some might disagree with me, but if you interpret it correctly, it is full of God’s words. The book is divided into three parts on different aspects of Christian marriage with one epilogue.
Part One: Pioneers
Part one is split into 3 chapters. The first chapter is the challenge. Every quote of married couples and even I will say, “This is the beginning” and yes, it is true once you enter the marriage. Marriage is the “New Land” which is Full of Hope and Full of Difficulty. Remember God showed Job his creation of a beautiful and dangerous world. In Genesis, God creates earth from empty, formless and darkness. The same thing to marriage there are difficulties because of the two different people. No one is perfect other than God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. Men must do their part as Husbands and the leaders of the house; don’t let your wife do the role for you, which is mainly what the 1st chapter “The Challenge” is about. Next is the crisis, over time of marriage, do you consider or feel your wife/husband as your lover like before? Or your relationship getting apart due to lack of communication, children or intimacy. When I returned back to Him, my perspective changed toward my loved one. She is my lover forever. The crisis can solve if Biblical Principles put into practice under the leading of the Holy Spirit (based on the book).
Finally, the call that emphasizes Marriage belongs to God. He set us free from untruth about marriage that the World look upon. Once a couple lives in God’s shelter, you will see the beauty. Of course, both need to spend time with God (prayer, Bible study, and fellowship) in building a strong spiritual foundation for a Christian marriage.
Part Two: Lovers
Part two of the book focuses on the private lifestyle between the couple. The chapter “How should I love my wife?”, lets you identify how you love your wife as the object or as one. It took quite a long to understand the meaning. It means the husband and wife are one, so the husband must take care wife just like taking care of his own body, and the wife can fulfill on her fulfillling her tasks (Genesis 2: 18). God saw his creation as very good, but man, was incomplete without someone.
Chapter five is “sensitive to her needs” and the authors emphasise 3 things
- She needs to be affirmed- as a woman, wife and person.
- She needs status in her role as homemaker- make her feel she worth in home
- She needs to be reminded that you care – always give a reminder that you care her.
- She needs to be provided for – material neccessities, protection, personal development, spiritual growth and sexually fulfillment
The next is “sensitive to her hurts”; it is man’s responsibility to take care of her hurts. The hurts are either physical or emotional. I would say spend more time with her.
Chapter seven is “Sex should be fun”- this topic is normally sensitive in my culture, I guessed. My advice is both husband and wife talk about it. Get an agreement. It is never easy, like in the movies and other sources that make sex super easy or one-sided. Here, the authors mention a few things we need to look after to produce dynamic sex: attitude, atmosphere, and action. Understand that marriage is united husband and wife as one and symbolises the love of God towards His people. Both sides need to put effort into building their relationship and positive attitude through communication.
Contraception: Blessing or Blight? In the next chapter, married lovers must go as naturally as possible, as pregnancy is part of the possibility of intimacy. So, they recommend using a calendar period to find a suitable time for sex as it is harmless. After the contraception chapter, “Obedience”. is the doorway to love. If you can relate to Jesus obeying his Father’s plan, it works similarly because Love comes from God.
Part Three: Friends
Chapters ten to thirteen talk about submission. All the while, I made a mistake on the submission as I read Ephesians 5: 22: ” Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbandsĀ as you do to the Lord” only. Hope you didn’t make the mistake. If you read Ephesians 5: 21 -33, you understand more that submission is not merely submitting herself as fully following her husband’s order or decision, or doing what her husband asks for. It is about love, as you see Ephesians 5- 21-33, the Church submits to Christ, the Wife submits to the Husband, and Jesus submits to God if you read the New Testament. So Husband as Head must know how to submit himself to God and simultaneously know how to submit to his wife. You will understand the meaning of submit in part three. It is great learning for me. Hope you too
Epilogue
The ending is more like advice for everyone. The authors wish everyone who falls must immediately get up and go on. They give 3 basic things that need to be noted.
1. I must agree that I have fallen
2. I must deal with the cause of my failing
3. I must actively return to the way of the Lord.
My point of view I do agree with the points given by the authors because I have fallen and can say not fully understand the wisdom. I only know the knowledge about God but do not understand it. One of the reasons I left is the relationship I have with my wife. She focuses on her stuff and I focus on mine. Put time on our kids and work but never had a couple times. After I returned to God last year, I tried to improve our relationship but I made mistakes because it is never meant to be solo, it is three as one. So I pray and talk to my wife (sometimes scold my wife- I would say this is a huge mistake and I regret not solving it nicely). I still trying to improve our relationship and I would say that I love her more than before we married.
JOSIAH Miri 